i can't identify myself as a part of any "group" anymore. i'm not a student, not a photographer, not a traveller.
nor am i an activist, anarchist, artist, hippie, nomad. all of these "genres" seem just as narrow as all the other boxes. then what is there really outside the box? nothing? air? spirits? have i become dead, non-existent?

it's a real paradox: the first step into "finding yourself" is realising that you can never be searching for yourself.
no one is ever fully complete. so where is this big process called life going? where is it taking me, or am i supposed to take it somewhere?
do we ever find answers or do we just stop asking questions at some point?


let me explain about the box thing. for example, these "alternative" circles here seem somehow so closed... the division between "us" and "them" is just as clear as within the so-called normal people that we are so much blaming for being so fucking narrow-minded.

how can we ever change the world if we only want to change it for ourselves? we are taking this role of "the fighters" and those others just don't understand a thing...and moreover, we don't even WANT them to understand. we want to have them to be blamed for everything, to be the damn scapegoats. we want to be in this group, with likeminded people, making stuff and doing things and organizing actions only for ourselves. what are the reclaim the street parties that i see here? partying with your friends, giving the finger at your enemies. getting support for your own ideologies and beliefs, getting your own speciality and existence approved. supporting your own ego by glorifying your own life choices compared to "the others"?
i don't think this division is doing any good to anyone.

i want to find another way.

to be able to care for others, one needs to be feeling well. so by increasing each individual's wellbeing we could increase the general "loving&caring&sharing" in the world. how to do this? i want to find out.
i don't really believe in aggressive actions anymore... what can we achieve by interrupting big conferences or chaining ourselves into the powerplants?
ok, it does give the power "back to the people", delivers a certain message and raises conversation, but who listens to this message? i'm afraid these acts will only separate "us" from "them", creating this gap between activists and the so-called normal people. especially when it's not in our control how the message will in the end be delivered to the majority, because most of them will only see what the tv shows them and hear what the news tell them. and we already know how these messages are being delievered in the mainstream media.
these reports are only creating negative image about the whole concept of activism. they are making basic human rights, such as demonstrating, look illegal and suspicious. the majority will want to separate themselves from such negative acts and therefore also the ideas behind the acts.

besides, it's much easier not to think, not to be conscious, and to remain inside the box (either one of the many boxes).
why would you care for anyone else when you have your own mess to clean? i suppose when one is healthy and happy they can start thinking about others more and more. and by spreading happiness they will again become happier and happier in their own lives. basically, this could be like a giant snowball of happiness rolling around the world.
but we need to stop thinking with terms like "us" and "them" and only sharing the happiness within our own circles. why would we want to exlude the majority if the aim is to fulfill more than just our own egoistic needs?

i'm working on a concept based on these thoughts, and sooner or later they will be put into a bit clearer words and hopefully some physical changes will follow. what, how, when - let's get back to that.


peace,
isla