just a stream of thoughts on a sunday afternoon

Based on random searching on Couchsurfing, I'd say that 90% of the people are calling themselves open-minded. More than half of the profiles are talking about freedom, or being a free spirit.

I must confess, I also used to have the classic "I'm open-minded" statement on my profile.

We like to call ourselves open-minded, but what does it really mean? Is it just a cool word to define oneself, is it to show that you're open for some things that "close-minded" or conservative people dislike? Or does it, as I'm afraid, mean being tolerant only towards people like yourself (who might be considered "alternative" or "different")?

And we all like the word "freedom". Such a big word. Free spirits, free love, free world. So much used, but what do all these things mean to us? Are we living them, instead of just talking about them?
When I had the word open-minded standing on my profile, I got a lot of suggestive messages from men saying that they like open-minded girls and would like to get to know me closer. Sometimes it got a bit disturbing. I'm experiencing the same in reality -  having some sort of vibe of freedom seems to make me "available" for anyone to grab. And they do grab and hold on tight. Why is freedom so often mistaken (only) for free love, and by love I mean sex?

If there is such thing as "free love" in terms of casual sex, it must come with mutual respect. All freedom brings responsibilities, and seeing freedom or someone's open-mindness as an easy way to get laid is just a bit strange to me. Freedom is to be able to set your own limits, and to respect others limits that they have set for themselves (not necessarily the same kind of limits that society is setting us). I believe that all creatures are to be approached with respect and a bit of carefulness. But then again it's hard to maintain such carefulness but not turn it into something that would be isolating people from one another - I guess today's world is just so big, so full of people, so full of different norms and laws and rules how to live, ideas of what is normal and what is not, that it gets more and more difficult to find your own comfort limits and to sense how the other person has set theirs.

I can understand why "free people" are easily found attractive. Of course a certain kind of free spirit in a person is exciting, appealing and interesting. It's an offer for an adventure, without commitment. We are so damn afraid of commitment, responsibility and boundaries, as all these are seen as the same, and as the opposite of freedom. When you have boundaries, you are in a prison.

We want to be nomads, rootless, just freely floating through our lives, we want to be forever young and free. We want to live this dream and hold on to it so tightly that at some point it turns against us. The search of the freedom becomes our prison. We are not able to stop. We are not able to grow, because all the time we are running around.

Is this running after freedom, in some cases, actually just running away from ourselves?

We're running away from our own restricted minds and our own limited selfs, trying to capture the treasure of freedom in somebody else. In this other person we want to see the embodiment of freedom, because we can't find or define freedom in through ourselves.

(I know I'm generalizing a lot her, pardon me)

In conservative families, or in cultures where the women's liberties are very limited, it may be an attempt to maintain one's personal freedom to wear "western" or revealing clothes, make-up, and high heels. Then again, in a society like ours, where everything is over-sexualized and the beauty standards have become a huge industry, women rebel against that in the name of freedom, burn their bras and dress up in alternative ways, staying away from the conventional fashion magazines. And then there becomes the rebel against this, saying that we have the right to be feminine and show our bodies just as we want.

And here I am, being so different, rebelling against what people are writing in their profiles, questioning something just because it's popular.

Breaking the box, and building a new one right next to it. Labeling yourself as something else in order to remove the old label.

It seems that you are only different when you make an effort to be different.

Is the act towards freedom always rebelling against something?

I suppose that in the ideal situation, each person could define for themselves how they want to be like, regardless of the surroundings. Could we take such unlimited freedom? If we were all able to create our own reality and our own rules in our minds, could these realities be easily combined into a collective one? Do we need an authority, a law or a religion, or a "common custom" to tell us who we are, what our limits are and how we're supposed to function in this world?

I understand that individualism can go too far; one can get lost in their own freedom. If freedom equals individualism, that is. I'm not saying it does. To me freedom means a new kind of unity, real connection between people. A surrounding where everyone is respected and supported as an individual (and encouraged to find their own path), but at the same time treated as an equal member of the community.

The real challenge in life is to grow strong, but to remain open and receiving. To stay respectful to yourself and towards others, but to be open for change and questioning.

So, as far as this word "open-minded" is such a confusing one, I'm not using it anymore. What my CS profile states now is this:
Keep questioning conventional structures, push your boundaries, seek for alternatives to the standard way of living.
Stay free from forcefully fitting yourself or others under any specified roles or labels. Not as easy as it sounds like, we are all so damn stuck in our habits...

But all the rules are only in the mind; by changing the mind we can change the surroundings.